Which Stranger Things character grew up to be an NBA player?

I’ll admit, I’m a little wary to check out Avery’s El Gose. It’s described as “a zesty and salty disposition,” but will it be a Sweet Disposition or just shitty? I’m at least curious to find out. Sour beers are fine, but this sounds like a much more exotic take.

And, uh, yeah. Exotic is right. This beer’s sour doesn’t play around. It’s not about your games. El Gose can’t even. El Gose’s a cloudy yellow drink, but don’t let it trick you into thinking it’s approachable. El Gose isn’t.

El Gose’s smell climbs right up into your nostrils and sets up shop. The taste is no different. Take a few sips and El Gose says “Fuck your mouth” and claims it all. That sour taste plants a flag down on your tongue and starts tingling in every direction. If you’re your mouth’s landlord, El Gose is the worst kind of tenant because it’s throwing parties and getting busted by the cops on its first night stay. There’s no ignoring it; El Gose is a wild man.

And Stranger Things? Not as wild as El Gose, but who is? They shouldn’t try to follow The Peter Gabriel #Banger with a better one anyway. That’s foolish. That’s like trying to follow Nelly’s ‘Hot in Herre’ with literally anything. In this episode, Bowl Cut #1 is pissed off for five minutes at El after they find Will’s body before she shows him a voice on a walkie talkie. Bowl Cut #1 is so sold on this idea that when his friend mentions going to Will’s funeral, he actually screams “Screw his funeral!” This must be a top three most savage thing Bowl Cut #1’s said in his young life.

One thing I love so much about this episode is how fuckin’ skeptical the friend is. This kid has no time at all for anyone’s bullshit. When they try to disguise El, and Bowl Cut #1 says she looks pretty, he hits his boy with the most skeptical of skeptical looks.

This led me to an important revelation. I’ve seen that look before. It’s too familiar to be a coincidence. Now that I think about it.. you know.. maybe..

Yes, Mr. Skeptical is a young Russell Westbrook.

Quick thoughts:

• This man came out swingin’ on Bowl Cut #1, got frozen in time, and all this bozo can point out is that the dude peed himself? Life is so simple when you’re 12.
• Can’t wait ’til Winona gets taken on purpose to find Will. That’s a Winona move for sure.
• El Gose, you’re probably too wild for me on a regular basis. But I’ll never turn down a weekend of hanging with you in Vegas.

One last thing: would the Stranger Things cop win a fight in the UFC? Claim a belt?

He ended that dude. Send ’em to Vegas with an El Gose. Dana White has the next Brock Lesnar.