Does Dustin suck?
Fall is here, and that means Oktoberfest. I’ve never bothered with these seasonal releases, but that’s the point of watching Stranger Things apparently. Fun fact: a friend was trying to tell me which pumpkin beers to mix. Pumking and Warlock. Does her recipe work? I never want to know.
But I learned everything I can about Oktober Fuel. My first may have come with Stranger Things, but the next five would guide me through drunken wilderness: the first College Football Saturday of the season. This German lager is between a light amber and dark orange color, and its off-white head disappears right away. That’s kind of lame, but the taste definitely makes up for it. This thing is super malty, but not so much it keeps me from drinking the rest all day.
With football on my mind, I couldn’t help but ask myself an important question. Which Stranger Things characters are invited to the tailgate?
First of all, I think we’ve seen enough to know that Barb is not interested (it’s mutual), and she’s preoccupied anyway. Let’s continue with the rest of that party.
Nancy is a definite yes because she has a wide variety of squads. She starts in the #BrainpowerSquad with Barb, but that got broken up soon enough. She moved on to drinkin’ beers with the #ShotgunSquad, and lately, she’s even mingling with #PeepShowSquad. Nancy is nothing if not socially dynamic, so she’s an obvious first overall pick.
The aforementioned #ShotgunSquad earned a terrible rep after this episode (rightfully so), but hear me out. #ShotgunSquad brings the alcohol. Plain and simple. And once they’re here? They demand you shotgun their beers immediately. Fuck #ShotgunSquad for slut-shaming, but hopefully they sit their beers down, start a fight, and ultimately just get the fuck out. These are our high risk / high reward stakes we accept when we invite #ShotgunSquad.
#AVSquad purely bring numbers to the tailgate. Honestly had to think twice because you know they’re bringing Dustin. Hot take: Dustin might actually be worse than Barb. I’m guessing #PeepShowSquad will have to drive them to the tailgate. My suggestion is we put him on Snapchat Story duty and let the world know how lit the tailgate is.
- Did these children just ask Bowl Cut #1 to JUMP OFF A CLIFF?
- Can’t stress it enough: Fuck Jean Ralphio now.
- El handing out L’s at the grocery? Dawg.
Shout out to Braxton for hooking me up with the second great beer of Stranger Beers, by the way. They taught our Stranger Things tailgate to #Lift
One no, #LiftSixToLife.