I poured my Americano Stout with anxiety. Would it ever live up to the hype? Not only is this the season finale, but this is super-hyped Stone Brewing. Did I make the right choice?
Yo, I did. You could smell the coffee in this thing as soon as I cracked it open. I’m not a coffee guy, but maybe I should be? The Americano Stout and Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Stout are both two of my favorites this season. This one actually has a higher ABV than the Bourbon Barrell Stout (8.7% to 8.0%) but its not nearly as sneaky. I wouldn’t even say I felt buzzed right away. Americano Stout gently rocked me into a buzzed lullaby, and suddenly, there I was: buzzed. It never caught me by surprise, it just happened very peacefully. If you’re lookin’ to treat yo self, get pampered by Americano Stout. It’s delicious, and it’ll tuck you in at night.
My conclusion is that stouts are #bangers. Same goes for Stranger Things. From the beginning, this show is full of fun and excitement. I’m so impressed by how most characters were three dimensional, showing strengths and weaknesses. In a show that could be great just having fun with monsters, it gives you a lot to chew on without feeling too serious. So I think there’s only one way to wrap this up. Based on how dope each character is, let’s give ’em a beer.
The Sheltowee Hop-a-Lot IPA Award goes to… Jonathan Byers. Sorry, Jonathan. This wasn’t the worst beer I had, and you’re not the worst character. But this IPA was not a banger, and while you flashed some promise, you never sold it either. Still, I’ll down one for you. Here’s to your arc in Season 2! You’ve come around as a social person. Your family is back together and happy (ignore your undead brother’s… issues.) And you got a camera from Nancy, at least. Not a lot of silver lining for her ugly sweater snugglin’ with Jean Ralphio. Let’s get you a girl next time.
The Braxton Storm Golden Cream Ale Award goes to… Caleb, better known as Russell Westbrook. This was a great beer, and you were one of the unsung heroes of the show. You never hear that Caleb Praise. So here it is: Caleb is the realest character. He only knew how to keep it 💯 with #AVSquad, went and found the laboratory base without El (a great power move for someone who hated El), and told Matthew Modine to eat shit! That was so incredible.
The Evil Twin Molotov Lite Award goes to… Bowl Cut #1 and El. Actually, no. I’m giving Bowl Cut #1 some respect and calling him Mike. He’s a great character, and so is El. They deserve this together. Sucks they didn’t eat Eggos at the school dance, but the show left some El Wiggle Room. For that, they earn this fucking #banger: Molotov Lite. Shout out to Evil Twin.
The Avery El Gose Award goes to… fucking Jean Ralphio. Your wild nature got the best of you. But I still want you around for some reason, just like El Gose. It’s a match made in Sin City.
The Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Stout Award goes to… Nancy. Shout out to Nancy. She proved she can hang with #ShotgunSquad and sip on the sneakiest of beers with real craft worms like #PeepShowSquad. Nancy has range, and a Bourbon Barrel Stout, or four.
The Braxton Oktober Fuel Award goes to… Winona. She killed it all season. She always screams her son’s name, talks to Christmas lights, and punches holes in her walls, yet she’s the best. Winona gets the beer with the most longevity: Oktober Fuel. Shout out Braxton, shout out college football, and shout out Will, because that’s the only shout out Winona knows.
The Arrogant Brewing Who You Callin’ Wussie Award goes to… Dustin. Listen, Dustin. At least you’re getting a beer. If Barb comes at me in my home? She’s getting water.
And finally, the Stone Americano Stout Award goes to… The Cop. What a G. If we’re talkin’ three dimensional characters, The Cop is first up. This man went Brock Lesnar on a no-name character and drunkenly called his ex-wife, and both times you’re on his side. He’s done a lot wrong, but he’s trying to make it right. He deserves a good ass beer. I’d like to share an Americano Stout with The Cop, but I’d like to share any beer with The Cop. Shout out to The Cop.