‘Westworld’ Episode 3 // Country Boy Nacho Bait

nachobait

Buckle your seatbelt. This one’s trash.

I have had my share of Cougar Baits. I think plenty of Lexington folk have. I’m no Country Boy expert. I might not be able to tell you why certain foods or drinks are incredible. But if something is really and truly garbage? I am its judge, jury, and executioner.

Nacho Bait does not smell good. It does not taste good. It is junk. Bringing the habanero flavor to this blonde ale is a bold move, I’ll admit. The audacity it took these country boys to see a dumpster and wonder, “How do I get that in a bottle?” That is unmatched. There is no rival.

The burn I felt in my throat after each agonizing sip? It is a subtle reminder of my decisions. The ghost of each taste glides down my throat singing tortures as it claims victory. “You’re finished,” Nacho Bait tells me. “I will haunt you,” it promises. “You will never forgive yourself,” it insists.

Who would want this burden? I’m sure you are wondering the same. Who is so despicable? So vile? So repugnant? It can only be the people who go to Westworld.

The citizens of Westworld are terrifying. They give robots just enough artificial intelligence to vaguely remember the horrible things that happen to them. They shoot at those who can’t shoot back. Sure, at times they seem innocent. They love milk. But dairy can’t make up for their sins.

Only these kind of people could enjoy Nacho Bait. Just look into Bernard’s eyes as he stares at a bottle of Nacho Bait across the room. He is hypnotized. He is drooling. His name is Bernard. He is insufferable. Now, look at A-Hops as he quakes in fear. Being near Nacho Bait can stir such emotions. He looks like a lost child. He needs to be rescued. He won’t last much longer.

I don’t want to dog Country Boy. But I need to forget Nacho Bait. Unfortunately, like the robots of Westworld, I’m forced to wake up everyday and remember this cruel thing that happened to me. I can never forget. I can only warn those not haunted by such evil.

Some thoughts:

  • Yo, Westworld is crazy. Find a blog willing to explain it to you.
  • Of course star constellations are becoming a thing.
  • Fuck Wyatt.

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